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From the outside looking in….

by Jane Doe
Many times it is never considered what the general population thinks about being single in an “average world” until you find yourself living with an incurable sexually transmitted virus. Upon being diagnosed and for the many month’s and years that will follow, that is a question that plagues the mind of those affected by such a life altering revelation. In an attempt to gain a general consensus of what exactly goes through the minds of those who are in the “non” population, we have asked several people who live their lives free of STDs what their thoughts and views are on the topic of STDs (primarily herpes and hpv).

We anonymously sent out one female and one male to openly disclose their status to random singles they found on Internet dating sites and here is what they had to say:

When we asked several people if they had ever met or dated someone with an STD, the answers were all a resounding “no” however, after pondering the thought, some indicated they could not be certain as most times the topic would not come up in their involvements. Each participant proceeded with positive comments indicating they truly believed that sex was not the cornerstone of relationships. Though they had never given it much thought, they had always had the mindset that STDs were something that came as an afterthought and were not to be considered an issue if they engaged in safe sex until they were deeply involved in a committed relationship, at which time they would believe they were “safe” from such issues.

Amazingly, when asked if they knew of any family or friends who lived with Herpes or HPV, the results were low in numbers of those who actually knew someone who did. One man stated he had a couple of friends, male and female whom are married to each other who both carry the Herpes virus, while his sister had become infected with the HPV virus after her husband had stepped outside their marriage. Although he knew of friends and family who had these viruses he considered his knowledge on the topics to be rather low when taking into account his recent research on reputable websites.

When we asked our participants if they had ever been tested for STDs, each one stated they had been. They (all participants) were, however, not aware if those tests were likely incomplete. It is very common that an STD screen to not include Herpes, HPV or HIV testing without the person being tested specifically requesting those tests. Each one stated they were shocked and dismayed that they had been lead to believe they were thoroughly tested.

We then asked our participants if they ever thought about the risk of STDs in their general dating practices. Each participant gave their own accounts of forethought however, most common was the fact that they believe it takes time to get to know the person and that if a treatable STD is part of who that person is, it is an issue that can be addressed if the relationship reaches a level of intimacy. Most pleasing was the common belief that Herpes and HPV were nothing to be feared, but rather subjects to be more understood.

Next we asked what each one felt their level of education was on the topic of STDs. One man stated that prior to having met our participant, he had not given it much thought. However since that time he has developed an “unquenchable thirst for knowledge in an area that could very well affect his life at some point.”

Lastly we asked if they were given a choice to know immediately or later on in a relationship (prior to sex of course) that the person they are interested in has Herpes or HPV, what would they prefer. Every person that participated in our study indicated they would prefer knowing immediately. They believe it suggests the person is comfortable with who they are and also gives strong indication of an honest and unselfish character.

Though our participants were selected at random, I personally can’t help believe this would be the general consensus if the study were to be conducted on a much broader scale.

The fact remains, no one appreciates having decisions made for them, this includes a person who’s life is affected by a sexually transmitted virus, making the decision to not consider exploring a relationship with a non infected person without at least conversing with that person and taking into consideration what they would do if given the choice. Though it might not have been the circumstances for the person carrying that social burden, it is a choice that person can now allow others to make.


Many major cities all over the world have both SOCIAL and SUPPORT groups for people with genital herpes.  The social groups often use the terms "friends" as in "Bay Area Friends," "H2O" as in "H2O New Jersey" or "H Club" as in "Atlanta H Club."  The support groups are often "HELP" support groups, affiliated with ASHA, the American Society for Social Health.  Sometimes local HELP support groups are affiliated with the local Social groups, but often these groups are completely separate. However, even if the support and social groups in a particular area are separate, they usually know about and support each other.

Note: If your herpes social or support group is not listed here, please email us your group's info and we will add it next time the site is updated.  We greatly appreciate reciprocal links on your group's website, but such links are NOT a requirement to be listed here.  Please support us if you can.  Let's keep the H community strong and well-networked!



Black People with Herpes Yahoo Group

H-Friends Yahoo Group

H Friends Central

Herpes Singles Yahoo Group

Herpes Social and Support Network

Picking Up The Pieces Yahoo Group

Planet H Yahoo Group

Single Blacks with Herpes Yahoo Group


Alabama H Club

Alabama Herpes Support Group on Yahoo



Phoenix HELP Group

Tucson H Friends


Arkansas Singles with Herpes

Little Rock Singles H Club Yahoo Group


LA HELP Support Group

Orange County HELP Support Group

Central Cali H Friends -

Sacramento - Sac Friends and Sac Valley Friends

San Francisco - Bay Area Friends (BAF) Public Website

San Francisco - Bay Area Friends (BAF) Yahoo Group

San Francisco HELP Support Group - The Only Herpes Support Group in Northern California

SF Bay Area Gay Men with Herpes Yahoo Group

Bay Area Lesbians with Herpes (San Francisco)

San Diego Friends Public Website

San Diego Friends Yahoo Group

San Diego HELP Support Group

San Diego Hikers - Herpes Hiking Group

Southern California Friends


Colorado H Friends


All CT H Friends Yahoo Group

Manchester HELP (860) 666-0075 (Susan)

Meeting Others with Herpes in CT Yahoo Group



Bradenton Sarasota H Support

Club H South Florida (Dade/Broward Counties)

Florida Herpes Club Yahoo Group

Fort Lauderdale - Club H South Florida

Northern Florida H Friends Yahoo Group

Orlando/Central Florida H Club Yahoo Group

Orlando H2O Social Group

Orlando HELP Support Group

Pensacola Group

South West Florida H Support

Tampa Bay H Club Yahoo Group


Atlanta H Club

Atlanta HELP (404) 294-6364

People of Color Atlanta (POCAtlanta) Yahoo Group




Chicago HELP Support Group

Central Illinois Prairie Friends Yahoo Group

Illinois H Friends Public Website

Illinois H Friends Yahoo Group

Illinois H Network

People of Color Chicago (POC Chicago) Yahoo Group


Indy H Friends Yahoo Group

Indianapolis HELP Support Group



Kentucky H Friends Yahoo Group

Louisville H Friends Yahoo Group


New Orleans Helper Group  504-568-2937


Herpes and HPV Singles in Maine / Maine Friends Yahoo Group


Baltimore H2O Yahoo Group 

Baltimore H2O


Boston HELP Herpes Support Group

Beantown Friends Yahoo Group

Mass H Friends


Detroit - Metro Detroit Help

Herpes Detroit Yahoo Group

Motor City Friends Yahoo Group

West Michigan Friends Yahoo Group


Twin Cities HELP (800) 78-FACTS (toll-free MN only)

Twin Cities Friends

Twin Cities Lesbians with Herpes Yahoo Group

Zabby's Ranch



H2O Kansas City Friends  

Kansas City HELP Support Group

Ozarks HELP Support Group



Omaha HELP 


B Bash

Northern Nevada Friends

New Hampshire

Seacoast HELP Support Group

New Jersey

H2O New Jersey Friends

New Mexico

New York

Herpes New York Yahoo Group

New York HELP Support Group

People of Color New York

Buffalo and Western New York H Friends

Rochester Area H Friends Yahoo Group

Upstate NY Friends Yahoo Group

North Carolina

East Coast H2O Friends Yahoo Group

North Carolina H Yahoo Group

People of Color North Caroline (POCNC)

Raleigh Triangle H Club

Triad HELP Support Group - 641-4699

North Dakota


Cleveland - See Ohio Friends

Cincinnati HELP Support Group

Herpes Cincinnati Yahoo Group

Columbus Friends

Ohio Friends

Ohio Friends Yahoo Group


Oklahoma H Club

Tulsa Oklahoma Singles 437737

Tulsa HELP 

Oklahoma Friends


Bend Area Friends Yahoo Group

Central Oregon H Club Yahoo Group

Portland Area Friends


Central PA Friends Yahoo Group (Lancaster/Harrisburg)

Philadelphia Friends

H2O of Pittsburgh

Rhode Island

South Carolina

Columbia HELP Support Group

Charleston HELP 

Carolina H Group

Low Country Friends

People of Color South Carolina (POC SC)

South Carolina H Friends Yahoo Group

South Dakota


Knoxville Herpes Yahoo Group

Memphis H Friends Yahoo Group

Nashville H Friends Yahoo Group


Austin Friends

Austin HELP Support Group

Herpes Texas

DFW Friends

Houston Friends

Houston HELP Support Group

San Antonio Friends

San Antonio Friends Yahoo Group

Northern Texas HELP Support Group




Virginia H Friends Yahoo Group


Seattle H Scene

Capital Area Friends Yahoo Group (Olympia/Tacoma)

Washington D.C.

H2O of DC

Herpes HELP of Washington, DC Support Group

People of Color SN

West Virginia


Herpes in Wisconsin Yahoo Group




Herpes in Brisbane

Sydney Group

Sydney HELP Support Group

Gold Coast H Friends

Melbourne Herpes Self Help Group

Perth Herpes Group

Tazmania Herpes Social and Support Group




Canadians with Herpes Yahoo Group

Southern Ontario H Socials

Ottawa Herpes Club

Toronto Herpes

Toronto S Ontario Herpsters Yahoo Group

Vancouver HELP Support Group

Vancouver H Friends Yahoo Group




Swedish MSN group 
Swedish Herpes Management Forum at 
Another Swedish herpes site  


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